The man gave up saying the word in frustration. He resorted to what he tried to do best – writing. So in on the table where we sat, he slowly wrote, his wriggling hands struggling for control. I spoke the letters as he wrote.
“W – I – F – E,” I think I know where this conversation is going. “Do you mean to say ‘Do you have a wife?’ ”
The man smiled his sweetest smile.
“No, I don’t!” I replied in all earnestness. “I’m still single.”
His surprised face was a precious moment. Again he wrote on the table. This was getting interesting, but I was getting nowhere with my therapy. He wasn’t speaking. So I formulated the letters with my mouth so as to give him the chance to open up his mouth.
“Ha… O – L – D… you” My patient, the old man, was struggling with the words. From his end, it might really be hard to speak when you have no total control of your mouth.
I smiled. Would I lie about my age like I used to? I’m not really that old though, so probably it would be useless. “I’m twenty-three and I also don’t have a girlfriend.”
Again the same surprised face, the same inquiring look, probably, implied why I still didn’t have a girlfriend at my age. I just had one thought at that time, why bother?
I really would like to meet that person who proposed that every man should have girlfriend or a wife at the tender age of 16 or 18. It has become a trend to most young people to have a girlfriend or boyfriend by the time they turn 16. (Enter the sound of music song… I am 16 going on 17…)
Somehow, anyone who still didn’t land the big catch by 16 should feel the pressure. The peer pressure and the personal pressure of seeing your friends snuggling up with their girl friends would definitely reach its toll.
By 20s those who landed the big catch would get married – early marriage or get pregnant.
When my high school classmates had a reunion, we found out that a lot had become moms. Most of the females in our batch already had a kid or two. Some single moms, some married women, with a mouth to feed and without a career to boot. What a life! You’d wonder if you’d feel happy for their baby or remorse for throwing away the future that awaited them.
So which would you rather be: happily committed with a foggy career or a career person with a happy commitment? It’s your pick, but don’t be amazed if I didn’t jump in your bandwagon of 16nish and committed.
So who started that trend? I just wanna know.
I remember a cousin who kept on prancing about how many suitors she had or how many suitors her sisters and close cousins had. It was as if the number of suitors determined your chances of success in the real world. It was as if your suitors would pave way for you to land a great job and a happy life.
If that was true, then that would mean my sisters were in for the worst. Yet it seems the contrary even for the fate of that cousin. I wouldn’t dare elaborate anything about her.
So what does having a lot of suitors imply? Fame. Just that and probably something else, but basking in it could really be bothersome. It could reflect a lot of personality issues and insecurities. In short, it’s trouble.
Why am I ranting about this when I’m supposed to be the suitor? Nothing really. Just glad that my sisters or my friends were not like that and would rather keep their suitors’ number a secret from others.
It shouldn’t run in the family.
Joshua Harris. He’s the man. He was the one who wrote “I Kissed Dating Good Bye.”
Actually he really didn’t kiss dating good bye. After reading the book, it turned out that the guy was married.
Disappointed? Deceived? Not really. The book only implies to wait for the right time before dating. Priorities should be managed first in this suggested order: God, Family, School, Others. The others included another long list with dating somewhere near the end.
Should we be shocked by such a perspective? I’ve mentioned before how some of my classmates and batch mates got giddy after turning 16. How they’ve actually followed their raging hormones and get pregnant near the end of high school or midway through college.
Reading Joshua Harris, I learned that my classmates dated with guys. And dating guys meant rushing ahead of God’s plan. He says it somewhere within the book that we shouldn’t get ahead of God’s plan. God should get ahead of us not the other way around. A little patience is necessary – something like a 5 or 6 years.
I’ve been on several dates during college. It was frustrating. The way you try to make things happen based on clichés and taboos when it’s not really you. The eat-out, the movie and the talking time (she talked, I listened) really made me sheepish. You can also feel odd somehow – conscious of what happens around you in slow motion. A sudden lunch out with a friend where everything was spontaneous was better. So I also kissed dating goodbye and started going out to lunch and to dinner with friends.
What made the difference, I later found out, was that you have this ulterior motive when going out on a date. You wanted everything to go perfect because you wanted to get to know this person as a prospective partner. Ergo, one goofed up moment during the date and everything falls out of place. Whereas, during abrupt lunch outs with friends, your only motive is satisfying yourself in eating that flesh from a chicken bone or in filling your stomach with rice. You don’t miss the chance to get to know that pretty co-worker. Instead you get to know the real deal with all the spontaneity going on around you.
No rushing for a second date or a first kiss. No rushing for her hand in marriage. Just purely getting to know the person talking nonchalantly without any concern. If anything goes wrong, who cares? You’re not there to impress, you’re there to eat.
Since I already mentioned work, there you have it folks, you should already be working when you try to find your future partner. Rushing is stupid. The point here is that you should wait. Patience makes the gifts and surprises more surprising. Besides, isn’t there a cliché that says “In love, age doesn’t matter?”
Alright Josh, plugged your book. I need compensation. Kidding.
Now if you’re still interested, read a follow up on this post here.