“What is it like to be turning 29.”
A beautiful lady recently asked me. I have no idea if such a question was supposed to be rude but since it was hard to turn down (or even look away from) a wonderful girl, I had to give an answer. I guess I botched my answer but it sent the gears on my head spinning like crazy.
“What is it like to be my age?”
Honestly, I have no idea. I guess I am at an age where one should have established something for himself by now or if not, he’s on the road the road to get there somewhere. I made no maps for myself but I do have a goal; I guess I just wanted to take things in stride because I had no way of getting to the goal that I have set.
I guess I am at an age where exploration that started when I was 21 is almost at its climax. i am almost 30 but not yet quite out of my 20s. I still have the passion of a 20 year old but the energy of a 25 year old. I realized I cannot pull off an all nighter like I used to. Try asking the Collegiate ministry people. I slept soundly while waiting my turn playing NBA on PC. I never got to play.
I am more cautious if not fearful of how the world works because I have discovered something that I was just testing when I was 22 but still experimenting because I have not yet found something that I started looking for when I was 18. It was at that tender age that I started looking for love. I wasn’t lucky I figured out because I never found anyone since birth. Yet I learned valuable lessons which included that though we try and fall and fail, it does not mean we are to stop. Love and live as if tomorrow was your last even though there is an element of fear, of embarrassment and that difficulty to approach a lady like how I was able to go out with that lady who asked me this question.
I have discovered the passions I started when I was 16 but still figuring out what I wanted to be since I was 5. i used to blurt out to everyone that I wanted to be a lawyer before I even knew what a lawyer does. Now that I know, I don’t think I wanted to be one anytime soon. What I have learned is that I I love to write creatively and wanted to play games all day. But also realized that I have a career of which I am still figuring out if I really wanted this in the first place. Or how long this career would last. I have written poems and maintained this blog for so long. I have created a musical play by accident but still wanted to do more. I wanted to watch musicals and plays and discover how they work even I have heeded the stage countless times, I wanted to see them all. I guess a novel is still my goal since I started reading at 5.
I have traveled extensively since I was 23, but still get itchy feet like I was 8. Now that a bus, a jeepney, a train and an airport is nothing new to me, I wanted to try what a passenger ship, a bullet train and a space ship felt like. I wanted to go around the country and travel around the world. See all the museums of History and Science and know the story of them all. I realized that at 29, I am not even half way through, in fact, have not even started. There are still places to see and people to meet.
My understanding of the Divine has changed since I was 17. I have discovered God differently than before. I guess only that has grown. I have learned to shut my mouth when necessary but still hold on to the beliefs that I carry. I have learned that His love extended not just for me but for everyon else whether they know it or like it or not at all. This I believe does not give me cause to judge others or engage in arguments because whatever attack they give to my Heavenly Father would not even affect Him or my perception of Him. this does not mean though that I should not take a stand, I should only when it is absolutely necessary even at the point of death.
At 29, I guess I’m still the same, just a little bit more weary than when I was born. I would not call it quarter life crisis but more like a tiredness that only the coming of that which I have been waiting for so long would satisfy. It is not a wife, a child or a family, though those are good too. It is more like longing to see something that has been promised to you since you were born. Weary because I am tired of the day to day and I long to see that moment when the heavens will open and Christ in all His majesty would come down.
At 29, I think it is time that we all go home.